Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in Jackie's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
12:09 am	tell me things you never said it's been quite some time since i've written in this thing but i'm going to try to start up again.  i seriously doubt anyone reads this thing anymore but that's ok. it's already almost march but i feel it necessary to recap important lessons i learned in 2008. 1.  you cant make someone accept love.  you can only hope they learn to love themself first and then open up to having love in their lives. 2.  things usually get worse before they get better. 3.   there's no love like unconditional love. 4.  faith and belief do conquer all. 5.  it's okay to not know the answer. 6.  all things, in due time 7.  part of growing up is letting go. 8.  people that lead you to reconsider or change your outlook on certain circumstances definitely deserve a chance. 9.  what's love if not something worth fighting for? (in other words, love isn't easy) 10.  never lose hope.  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
12:28 pm	sweetest lyrics ever "Your Guardian Angel" By Red Jumpsuit Apparatus When I see your smile Tears roll down my face I can't replace And now that I'm strong I have figured out How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one I will never let you fall (let you fall) I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) Even if saving you sends me to heaven It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one I will never let you fall (let you fall) I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) Even if saving you sends me to heaven Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you Please don't walk away and Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be okay Though my skies are turning gray I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven [to fade] Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
9:38 pm	talk about it being a long time... over a year later, where am i now?  i'm supposedly older, wiser, more experienced...and hopefully not jaded.  only in my twenties, yet i feel years beyond that.   (Comment on this)
Friday, February 24th, 2006
11:02 am	make believe worlds i have a fantastic talent for imagining (things and people) into existence. i find that if i imagine long and hard enough, that which i've imagined is suddenly very real. is that power of projection? i dream fantastic dreams and awake believing those dreams. i am unable to distinguish between what's just happened (in my dreams) and what's happened the day before. i feel that i am a dreamer by nature. i enjoy fantasy and make believe worlds. fantasty makes everything better. i partake in daily exercises of fantasy. but the fantastic isn't just fantastic. i walk to class imagining the forthcoming days. i run on the treadmill, imagining 4x4 relays. i fall asleep thinking about fictional characters i'd like to meet. fictional worlds i'd like to navigate. fictional acts i'd like to commit. i like games. the desperate housewives board game sits still wrapped on my floor. i've been looking at vintage disney monopoly. as a child, when my brothers weren't around, i used to play board games by myself, imagining a handful of different characters playing whatever game i was playing. i rolled the die for them. i spoke and joked for them. i moved the game pieces for them. and it was fun. at church, i used to pretend that the pew in front of me was a television. i watched my own tv shows unfold on the screen before me. i jumped and ran everywhere when i was little. hurdles are fun. for a while. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 17th, 2005
4:11 pm	i bought a pair of ridiculous shoes on tuesday. they're absolutely fantastic. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
1:43 pm	too bad you're beautiful but without any substance. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
9:43 pm	familiar things it is strange to me to encounter things that i was particularly fond of in the past but had long forgotten until by chance i encountered them again. i find that although it's been ages, the familiarity and memory of the past still guides me. it's that wonderful sense of being long out of your league but finding that hey, maybe it's not so out of your league like you thought. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
9:36 pm	if only you believed memories grow faint. i would tell myself, close your eyes and try with everything you've got to see and to smell and to touch and to hear and to taste. i would ask myself, can you still piece together some semblance of an existence? i suppose all one really needs to do is believe. belief suffices. belief conquers all. perhaps it saves all. i believe. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
12:13 am	i need to learn how to relax my face muscles. i am giving myself wrinkles because i've developed a bad habit of scrunching up my face. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
11:32 am	as my memory rests but never forgets... In life, people come, people go….sometimes to resurface at a later date…other times to disappear into oblivion. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this although I know I like the resurfacing, even if a gazillion years have passed. There’s some comfort in reconnecting with old friends, old acquaintances and seeing how much has changed, what has stayed the same. What’s even more interesting is aligning yourself with what you find…seeing how much you’ve changed and/or stayed the same. I always wonder about people I’ll never see or hear from again. I wonder what they’re doing, how they’re doing, if they’re radically different versions of the person I used to know. I worry myself when I realize that my memory is fuzzy when recalling the past. I like remembering the past. Perhaps it’s not a healthy obsession, but really, sometimes I sit around and just think about the past. I replay things in my mind, action by action, word by word. And what’s interesting is that sometimes, I see myself as the action unfolds. As the “recaller,” I become this third person observer. I forget what Freud called it, and this upsets me just a little, considering I took an entire class on memory and read Freud like crazy (in theory at least)….but as soon as I go back to school and get my books out of storage, I’ll look it up. Or maybe I’ll see if I can find the book somewhere here. I’ve compartmentalized the people I have met in my mind. I stick them in groups…for example, there are the elementary school people I met during grades 1 to 8….there are the high school people…then, there are the college people. And soon, there will be the grad school people. I like it when I hear back from the elementary school people. An old friend tracked me down on facebook and it was fun to read her profile and see what she’s like, on the surface at least. I wish facebook had an elementary or middle school option. It’d make looking up people much easier. It makes me sad when I realize I don’t remember the last names of people from elementary school. The names just aren’t fresh anymore. It surprises me when something or someone triggers a memory that I had long forgotten. Or maybe it wasn’t long forgotten…more like sleeping ‘til awakened. You know, that feeling you get when you reread something like a journal entry or an old note…and go “Wow, I totally forgot that happened…” Is that the mind blocking out old memories to make room for new ones? I supposed though, if we remembered everything at every instantaneous second, we’d suffer mind overload or be overwhelmed by feeling. I really wish I had the discipline to write everything down so I’d never forget. (2 Comments |Comment on this)